Renaming Bangalore- the solution to all our woes!

The Karnataka government has decided to implement a suggestion from Jnanpith awardee U R Ananthamurthy that the IT City, along the lines of Mumbai, Kolkata and Chennai, revert to its precolonial Kannada name, 'Bengaluru.'
- Times of India, Dec 11 2005.

Karnataka Chief Minister N. Dharam Singh, never one at a loss for innovative solutions to complex problems, has devised a permanent solution to the IT city's infrastructure and developmental problems- and it's one that ordinary mortals could never have visualized: a name change. To mark the launch of Karnataka's Golden Jubilee year Suvarna Karnataka, Bangalore will be referred to officially as Bengaluru from 1st November 2006.

The name-change demand was placed by Ananthamurthy during an interaction between the CM and litterateurs on December 5 to chalk out plans for the celebration of Suvarna Karnataka. However, the renowned Kannada author seemed unhappy at Dharam Singh's choice of spelling, telling the Times of India, "The name should be Bengal-oo-ru." The CM spelt it out as Bengal-u-ru.

One can understand the distinguished gentleman's irritation- a momentous decision that has the potential to alter the destiny of the fastest growing metropolis in South Asia is not to be taken lightly. Sources close to nobody in particular have confirmed that the services of an astrologer, numerologist, tarot card reader and Ekta Kapoor have been engaged to help the process of finding the perfect name, spelling included.

Public reaction to the move has been near-unanimous: widespread elation. A student union leader, on grounds of anonymity, told this reporter that the renaming was "a solution to all the problems of our youth. Overnight, we should see the problems of unemployment, crime, caste discrimination and the Bermuda triangle disappear."

Tourism is expected to boom. "The intention is that even a foreigner who visits the city will use a Kannada-sounding word by calling the city Bengalooru," Ananthamurthy said. A few 5-star hotels and international airlines contacted by this paper hailed the development as "historic". A Bangalore-based liquor-baron-turned-aviator could not control his excitement as he yelled down the phone, "Just imagine, a move like this would have our new international airport up and running in no time!" Senior sources from the Department of Tourism confess that the unexpected move of renaming the garden city as a "stroke of genius that we should have thought of years ago" and state that the resultant boom in travel and tourism would give entrenched players like Tahiti, Singapore and Burkina Faso a run for their money.

Of course the cultural benefits of the renaming cannot be overstated. Ananthamurthy explains it perfectly, "The fact thatThe 'u' vowel distinguishes our language, just like the 'o' in Kolkata is distinct to Bengali. By adding the 'u,' even words like chair-u and table-u become Kannada." Little wonder that the renaming has sparked off celebrations in the Eastern city, and reports of solidarity rallies demanding the accession of Kolkata to Karnataka have started trickling in. A senior opposition political leader from the state endorsed this view, quipping, "Kolkata will put the "Bengal" in Bengaluru. We thank the state of Karnataka for giving us this wonderful opportunity."

The IT industry, described by some as the lifeblood of the city, is a strong supporter of the renaming. A legendary software entrepreneur described the renaming move as "far-sighted and inspiring" adding that his company would "not rest until we convert our entire code base from C++ to Kannada."

The market reacted positively to the news, the Sensex soaring to 10,000+ mostly powered by tech stocks. While the long-term benefits of the renaming are not even conceivable at this stage, the immediate fallout has had most Bangaloreans, or should one say Bengaluruloos, stunned. A long-time resident of JP Nagar rejoices, "Overnight our potholes have vanished and the Puttenhalli lake waters have now receded to pre-1979 levels!" Elsewhere in the city, the Indiranagar and Jayadeva flyovers have been completed, the Metro rail project has been infused with fresh life and the Peripheral Ring Road is ready for use. The only reason it's still closed is that there was no politican available for the inauguration, since all of them were busy at strategy meetings, dreaming up ways to claim credit for the renaming.