Nightmare on Hell Street- 23 Feb 05

23 Feb 2005

07:00- Wake up 15 minutes before the alarm. Have sworn to myself will leave home on time to beat the crazy peak hour rush.

07:20- Having brushed, read morning paper flitting across the headlines and the business pages, waiting for bathwater to heat up.

07:45- Still flitting, all pages now. Bathwater still cold. Powercut.

07:55- Power's back but bathwater still cold. Take a deep breath and decide to revert to childhood habit of taking cold showers.

07:57- Out of shower. Childhood habits are best restricted to childhood.

08:06- Dressed. Teeth still chattering.

08:15- In my car. Objective of leaving on time achieved. Yay! With any luck, will be at my desk at 9:00

08:20- Jam on Bannerghata Road. Men at Work signs all over the place but no sign of them. With any luck, should be in office by 9:15.

08:40- Jam at BTM. Signals are in blinking mode. Where's the blinking traffic policeman when you need him, ha ha. A Yamaha tries to crawl his away out of the jam by riding across the top of my hood. Urge him to desist.

08:55- Power my way through by leaning on my horn and simultaneously raising Van Halen on the stereo to way loud. Patience is overrated. With any luck, will be at the office by 9:30.

08:59- Bellow a lusty laugh as I bully a moped into a sewer and swing right onto Hosur Road. ETA revised to 0920 hrs. It's a beautiful day.

08:59:30- Realise half a minute too late should have taken a detour. Nothing's moving.

09:10- Engines around me start switching off, the silence is ominous.

09:25- At Bommanahalli junction, G calls. Some satisfaction that he's stuck somewhere behind me.

09:28- The lane to my left starts moving. A scooter vanishes into the side gutter and miraculously reappears, though I can't see the pillion rider anymore. Hope the driver noticed.

09:34- Left lane still moving, presumably using all the vanished pillion riders' bodies as traction.

09:37- G calls again. He is now ahead of me, thanks to a combination strategy of driving the wrong way and ignoring everybody else. I toy with the idea of calling my Dad and cursing him for an upbringing steeped in ethics and doing the right thing.

09:51- My lane has now moved past Bommanahalli junction. Yay!

09:52- G calls yet again. He's at work already. The accident site is somewhere up front. With a complete lack of irony, G urges me to stay on the right side because the wrong side is already blocked by schmucks who didn't get lessons on ethics as kids.

09:58- I call my Dad and curse him for an upbringing steeped in ethics and doing the right thing.

10:01- The Matiz in front of me has 17 scratches on his bumper.

10:02:30- Actually it's 18. I missed one the last time.

10: 04- Van Halen gets boring on the third listen.

10: 06- Traffic in my lane starts moving. There is no left lane anymore because it's occupied by guys going the wrong way in the opposite direction. So now you have alternate lanes going in opposite directions on either side of the divider. Looks cool, wish I had my camera.

10:08- Have to stomp my horn because it looks like the grandpa in the Fiat ahead of me has chosen this moment to catch his morning nap.

10:09- Grandpa wakes up but Fiat does not. Pretend I don't see his arms flailing out the window asking me to stop. Clip one of nails in the bargain. Old people should not scream like that, it isn't dignified.

10:13- Cross the site of the accident. Trucks always break down in a way to cause maximum disruption. Is that a Murphy's Law? This one looks as old as screaming grandpa back there.

10:16- Another junction, no sign of the cops. On thinking it through, of course there are no cops, can't expect them to fly there can you? One of those volunteer E-city traffic scouts is trying to cope with the 4-way traffic and failing spectacularly. Wish again I had that camera.

10: 22- An 18-wheeler is headed at the junction from my right at approximately the same speed as I am approaching it. Debate all possible survival strategies and decide on what seems the best- close my eyes.

10:23- Eyes open now, still moving so I presume I either slipped under him or heaven isn't that different looking from Hosur Road.

10:28- Park in a surprisingly vacant looking lot at the office and head off to the tea-n-tobacco for a smoke, my first in months. Figure I've earned it. Hope boss doesn't miss me too much, but hope he'd understand, though he's a non-smoker.

10:31- Bump into boss at the tea-n-tobacco. He's smoking.