Undone by a rolling pin

"Rolling pin" is one of those Enid-Blytonesque terms that sound a lot fancier than they actually are. A rolling pin is one of those cylindrical devices narrowing at both ends which you use to roll, more accurately laat dough. Laating is a very Indian concept, I suspect the Mexicans call it something else, but certainly "roll" does not do justice to the concept of laating.

So, anyway, a rolling pin is essentially a laatni.

And one of those buggers came crashing down on my poor car, parked nicely for the night in my very own basement parking space at my apartment complex. The rear window is now smashed to smithereens. You wouldn't imagine a tiny thing like that could wreak that kind of havoc, but it did.

We were at home getting a new broadband connection installed when this happened. Apartment security was as usual very helpful and professional. One of those guys who always turn up at incidents of this sort swore that he saw the weapon sail out of a kitchen window on the first floor of the adjacent block. So we marched up to their front door to investigate.

The moment the door opened, we knew we'd found our man. A rather blustering attempt at "Yes, what's going on?" didn't cut much ice with the missus, who produced- rather brandished- the laatni in his face, while asking in her most school-marmly voice, "Is this yours?"

The facade collapsed. His beady frightened eyes grew large as he repeatedly apologised for the rolling pin falling. Repeated questions from our side as to how it happened were met by a blank gaze. A toddler of the female persuasion poking her head around the wall provided the first clue. As far as I could gather, there are only 2 reasonable explanations that cover the fatcs somewhat:
1. The aforementioned toddler got her grubby hands on it and decided it was better off outside the kitchen;
2. Beady-eyes and his missus had a bit of a disagreement and decided to settle things by tossing projectiles at each other, one of which went awry.
Since there seem no obvious signs of any familial discontent visible, we are still sticking with explanation 1, i.e. work of the child. Rather futilely, for this wretched man was agreeing to whatever I said, a big dampener when you're trying to browbeat somebody, I attempted to explain to the fellow why this act of negligence on his part was so dangerous. Somebody could have been seriously hurt. Children play in the basement all the time. He was responsible for things flying out of his windows. My insurance company may not agree to pay for damage to glass parts, so I would have to bear the expenses. Surely he realised that he would have to bear that expense on my part?

He says he will. He agreed so readily thatI suspect:
1. he has no idea that it costs approximately 7500/- or more to get the damn rear windscreen replaced; or
2. he is a tenant serving out his last month and will be shortly vacating said flat with alacrity.

1. shall be communicated to him this evening in person. Having found out about it just this morning, it was not possible to inform him about it earlier and the blasted fellow has not even left a mobile number caliming he has none.
If 2. is true, then:
2 a. I am screwed
2 b. I will hunt high and low for the motherloving son-of-a-whatnot but I will still be screwed.

Some random thoughts that never got expressed last night:
What the hell kind of idiot allows kitchen utensils to fly out of their windows? What the hell kind of weasel sits quietly indoors after said kitchen utensil has exited his window? Was he hoping nobody would notice the large, slightly uneven hole in the back window of the car parked outside? Was he praying that this was all some kind of silly misunderstanding that would soon be cleared and he could go on with his insignificant little life?

Mr. Weasel, I'd feel a lot better if people like you took responsibility for your actions rather than burrow away into your little holes and act as if business is as usual. Some months ago, I was nudged in the back by a motorcyclist with a Punjab registration and my company's ID tag as I waited in bumper to bumper traffic on the way to work. Forget apologising, or even stopping to check if there was any damage, this slimy gook whizzed off with as much dexterity as his glorified moped would allow, dodging between vehicles before I even had a chance to lower my window. Not that there was any significant damage done, but can you imagine a situation where this nimrod actually hits someone on the highway? He'd probably be in the next state before the body grew cold.

I only pray that it's not mine.

The dog collar's back!

We have to wear ties from today. The 3-month waiver for tie-wearing is over. The week after June 15th is when we assume the weather magically changes from sultry to "salubrious", which is Bangalore's way of defining its own weather, never mind that the word sounds like somebody's been ejecting too many fluids.

I forgot, frankly. No number of Outlook reminders or mobile alarms will prevent "forgetting" to wear your tie on Monday#1. Having a wife, however, seems to be one of the foolproof ways.

Took more than an hour getting into work again today. But luckily dozed off during most of it. Hot=sleepy. Stuck for almost half an hour on Hosur Road again, which is nothing new. In fact it seems to have become a comfortable part of the routine now. I'd be in a panic if I reached 25 minutes earlier - wouldn't know what to do.

Did a lot of driving along the Outer Ring Road yesterday, the South-East corridor (Hosur Road, Sarjapura Road, Maratahalli- Mahdavepura, KR Puram-Old Madras Road sections, upto Banaswadi). The existence of that road is one reason we should cling on to hope, however slender. BDA has done itself and Bangalore proud. If only the Peripheral Ring Road project were to kick off sometime soon instead of always being the "proposed" PRR project. In one advert for an apartment complex, a builder referred to PRR as the "perpetual ring road". The irony was lost on most of the intended target audience, I imagine!

Why Hosur Road?

You'd think a blog with a name like "Hosur Road Traffic Jam Blues" would restrict itself to traffic jams on Hosur Road, but no! Hosur Road today represents the dichotomy that is Bangalore- a broad, 4-laned highway that leads the way majestically to massive campuses of some of India's finest IT companies; which also features the most horrendous traffic jams, accidents, breakdowns, road flooding and incidents of road rage- all thanks to a ubiquitous and utter disregard for the law and complete failure of the authorities ro provide even the basic infrastructure capable of sustaining high growth.

So this blog is going to be about Bangalore in general; in fact, it's about urban sprawls everywhere; cities unable to cope with their rapid pace of growth thanks to an indifferent, apathetic and completely opportunistic administration, so out of touch with what is good for the population that they find it quite convenient to just serve themselves and the rest be damned.

Nandan Nilekani, CEO of Infosys, a lifelong resident of Bangalore and one of the city's proudest sons, wrote a lovely piece in the Indian Express recently. Never overtly aggressive, the mild-mannered Nilekani epitomises the tolerant Bangalorean spirit, best captured in that tell-all phrase swalpa adjust maadi saar.

But for how long? The latest in a series of episodes that would be funny if they weren't so traumatic is the open conflict within the current coalition government on the much-vaunted Metro Rail project. While Deve Gowda, described with little irony by the mainstream newspapers as "the JD(S) supremo", has demanded the Metro project be shut down since it is "a ruinous expensive project which guzzles power and takes time to build, (d)uring construction (of which, it) plays havoc with the lives of citizens, uprooting shops, residences and even places of worship", his Congress counterpart and state CM Dharam Singh insists there is "no going back on the Metro rail project"

Hang on a minute here. When did this turn into an us-versus-them battle? Are we not on the same side for once? What is undisputable is that Bangalore's existing transport infrastructure is stretched. We need a fast, efficent and relatively cheap way to travel long distances otherwise before long there will be chaos. Whether this means buffering the (practically non-existent) terrestrial rail network or building an underground metro, on an elevated one for that matter, should be a matter for the experts to decide. Somehow you'd imagine that would include the government of the state that houses arguably the most progressive and fastest growing cities in the country today! Why then this completely unnecessary quibbling about which way is better?

The Metro rail proposal is nothing new--- I am sure endless commitees have sat on this and detailed feasibility and ROI studies have been undertaken before deciding to proceed with it. Why then should it be derailed (forgive the pun) at this critical juncture, i.e. just before work is to be commenced?

At the same time, I am unwilling to discount lightly the opinion of a seasoned local politician and a former Prime Minister at that! When examined dispassionately, Deve Gowda's comments make absolute sense--- what price are we willing to pay to make this ambitious- some say grandiose- plan a reality? Have we not learned from the Airport Road and Jayadeva flyover experience?

When I moved to Bangalore in 2002, the flyovers were touted as the solution to all of Bangalore's road problems. With much brouhaha and significant delays, the Silk Board junction flyover (the "gateway" to the IT corridor) was thrown open to the public one fine November morning (Rajyotsava Divas, or Karnataka Day, a rather obvious attempt at cashing in on cheap populism by an otherwise level-headed SM Krishna governement!) The first day, as we whizzed across in a matter of seconds, what used to formerly take nearly half an hour to traverse, we were so excited, it was the promise of a new tomorrow! We were free! Hosur Road's traffic woes were---- whoa, what the ---- TRAFFIC JAM!!!!

Obviously, whoever designed the (EXTREMELY expensive) flyover at Silk Board failed to take into account that not more than half a kilometre away was the extremely busy Bommanahalli/Begur Road junction that absolutely failed to derive any benefit at all from the new construction. In fact, if anything, it made things worse since now MORE people drove their cars to work instead of taking the bus, deceived into thinking that their traffic woes were no more. AND they got to the junction faster.

You'd think a traffic signal and a permanently stationed cop would be enough to manage the choas. But that'd be too easy. I am about to reveal Bangalore's most shameful secret, one that repeatedly gets in the way of its grandiose plans for development---- the authorities here are ineffectual! There I said it---and you can quote me.

This is the only civilised city in the world where I have seen vehicles moving on the wrong side of the road at high speeds with their headlights on high beam. The reason mostly is sheer laziness---- why take a U-turn up ahead when you can cut across and reach your destination by the straight line path? But the fact that the traffic policeman stands by doing nothing or at best waves a futile litle fist in your face as you smirk your way past has to figure somewhere in shaping that kind of warped motorist mentality, don't you think?

So anyway, we have these traffic lights which get switched off permanently in a matter of days because nobody bothers obeying them; we have a bunch of innocuous cops who try their best- bless them- but are unable in real terms to scare anyone into obeying the law; and we have this motley bunch of "volunteers" and "part-time traffic wardens" whom the IT companies further down the road have hired at their own expense, but whom everywhere knows not to have any authority worth enforcing, so they're pretty much a lonely lot waving their arms about and choking on exhaust.

The result- working hours get more and more flexible, most people leave home and office earlier and earlier to even out the flow, resulting in the road being pretty crowded throughout the day. A ban allegedly exists on movement of heavy traffic on this road and some others, but anecdotal evidence suggests otherwise.

But I digress---- my point is that no single initiative however well-intentioned is going to solve Bangalore's traffic woes, unless there is a concerted effort by all parties- government, bureaucracy, local authorities, police, public and industry- all acting towards a single purpose.

After all, isn't that what WE tell all our clients? "Our solution is not a panacea to cure all your ills; unless YOUR internal processes and people are aligned towards change, this will never be a success"?????

And frankly, watching two political heavyweights slug it out in public- one claiming vehemantly that the Metro is THE way out of our problems, the other equally vocal that it is NOT, is not inspiring much confidence.